The Tale of Two Grandmothers

My two grandmothers are like oil and water. They are in the extreme opposite sides of the spectrum and, because of that, they've taught me a lot about how my life can play out.

Abuela Tati, my mother's mother, grew up in a small rural town in Puerto Rico, where she led a very secluded life.  Her mother died at the age of two and my great grandfather was a strict man.  She married at 15 and never studied again.  My grandfather had a bad temper and became someone else when he drank.  She was submissive, as most women would be in that situation, and dedicated her life to being the best mother she could be.  I always saw her as someone fairly sad, quiet and always feeling sorry for other people.

On the other hand, you have Rosa, or how I call her: Abuela Tata.  My father's mother.  She also grew up in a small rural town, not too far from where Tati lived.  She grew up with a strict mother but a lenient father.  A father that showed her immense love.  She was a good kid but never followed instructions.  "From as long as I can remember, I've done whatever I've wanted," she told me once.  She finished school early at 16 and worked at a naval base close to her house.  From a young age, she made her own money and claimed her independence.  She married young and had my father and my uncle, who passed away when I was one month old.  She remembers her married life as a great one, road tripping to other towns, going out to dinner and spending days at the beach.  She "separated" from her husband and from money that was her own, she decided to travel the world.  As a child, every few months, I used to get cheesy t-shirts and plastic figurines with locations I still dream of visiting.  Hong Kong, New Zealand, Chile and Norway to name a few. 

Both endured pain, as age grants us all, but Rosa had a fighting spirit since birth with self-confidence to boot.  Tati didn't.  

Both are still alive.  Rosa is in her 90's and recently told me how she had saved all of there vinyl records to listen to them when "she was old" but it still hadn't happened.  She laughs every time I see her, to jokes that sometimes only she hears.  She remembers her life from A to Z, still telling stories like when she got chased by a bull and had to climb a tree to save herself.  She recently overcame a one month stint in the hospital and is eagerly looking forward to celebrating another birthday on a cruise, a tradition she instilled on herself more than a decade ago.  She knows death is near and wish she can live more, but she is patient about everything. I'm not saying she has been submissive in any way.  She has been a tough cookie to swallow and is quite opinionated.

My dear abuela Tati is also alive. About six years younger than Rosa, she is physically healthy but her mind is slipping away.  Last time I saw her, she asked me the same question about ten times.  I patiently answered each time, but felt bad for her.  Everything she says is in a tone of pity and nostalgia.

The lessons they've taught me are simple, but for many, including myself, hard to follow.  Have a strong sense of self, appreciate the now and do what makes you happy (among many, many others).  Most of all, they have taught me that I can either live the life chosen or the life assigned.  I want to live the life chosen.

9/11: The End of Our Era's Innocence

There are always a few milestones that define a generation.  For example, the Silent Generation had the Civil Rights Movement and the Baby Boomers had Kennedy.  For us Millenials, that milestone is 9/11.

I remember the exact place I was standing when I heard that a plane had hit one of the Twin Towers.  I was in History class and the bell had just rung.  There were rumblings in the hallway and teachers were meeting to talk about what was happening.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  My stomach dropped right there and then.  I had family in New York. Where they ok?  Where was my cousin? Where was my aunt?  Where they in the city? Where they close???  That day, my mom picked us up and immediately started crying.  She was a mess.  The night before, she had dreamt that my brother and cousin (the one living in New York) had been drafted to war.  My stomach churned.  We were so far away from New York but the fear was near.

Living in this city now, with the growing population, the soaring real estate prices and the glitz,  I cannot imagine what New Yorkers went through in 2001.  I often wonder: if I lived here, would I have left?  Would I have been strong? Would I have unwillingly moved on like everyone was forced to do because that is what life is about?  I'm not sure.  I'm grateful that I haven't been given the chance to find out.

In memory of 9/11, I leave you with this article by The NY Post that my friend shared on Facebook. Her friend Allegra is featured and her story touched me the most.  I hope the read makes you feel grateful for what you have today.

Beautiful downtown New York from a helicopter ride, 7/11/14

 New York, I love you.

F4T: Why You Should Stop Looking at Suki Waterhouse's Instagram Account

The other day I saw one of those "stylish lifestyle" sites posting about the Instagram accounts we should like totally follow.  I went to look who they were.  Oprah? Obama? A designer? A cool stylist?  Nope.  Just a bunch of models that only took selfies of themselves, every day at multiple hours of the day.

I asked myself, why would I want to saturate my feed with pictures of possibly narcissistic women with unattainable beauty? In case you don't know, selfies have been linked to mental disorders, including narcissism.  We are drawn to beautiful things, case in point the existence of Pinterest, but it is that aspirational mentality and "I wish I could look like that/have that/buy that" that really affects happiness.

Acceptance of self is formed by a multitude of factors.  The way your parents treated you when you were young, your friends, early relationships, failures and successes. But what you pay the most attention to, place your mental energy on, will ultimately have a deep impact on you, whether you consciously know that or not.

So, choose the people you follow on social media wisely because they may be doing more than providing mindless entertainment.

Setting off Serendipity Bombs (F4T)

While researching at my job I stubled upon Medium, a new invitation-only social network. 

Social networks have dramatically lowered the bar for sharing information with people around the globe. But has the bar slipped too low? That's the question posed by Medium, a new, invitation-only network from the creator of Twitter. In an attempt to wean us off of cat photos, Gangnam Style and Justin Bieber updates, Medium emphasizes longer form, carefully crafted content (like this story on growing up in Saudi Arabia) from users with something of deeper value to share. In many respects, it resembles a carefully curated blog network. While creators are limited to the select few, everyone can read and comment.

While looking through the site, I found an article I thought was very interesting called Designing for Serendipity: or Getting Lucky is Hard Work.  For a while I thought some people were lucky because they just were living in NYC and seeing which friends/acquaintances have succeeded the most, I started changing my thinking.  They were usually the ones that were willing to put themselves out there the most.

Here is a quick summary of the article, but I definitely suggest reading the whole thing. It is short and sweet.

- If you put yourself in many situations where you can get lucky, e.g. the equivalent of buying a bunch of lottery tickets, you’ll probably get lucky.

- When you work towards a goal, really hard, things start to happen.  Those things are not happening because of luck.  They are the result of the hard work and putting yourself out there.

- Serendipity bombs are those small things you do that can potentially spark a chain of reactions.  For example, if you own a small pottery company and you email 100 bloggers for a giveaway, chances are a handful will write back that they want to participate   That exposure may ultimately get you sales and a bigger fan base.

- Don't take it personal when people say you are lucky and don't acknowledge your hard work.  It will happen.  

Like one of my favorite quote says: "Work in Silence.  Let success be the voice."

You can read the entire article here.